


☘ If Skull was...Naruto Uzumaki

by Hisana_Reborn



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-29 08:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16260524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hisana_Reborn/pseuds/Hisana_Reborn
Summary: Messy, but uh I hope you guys get the idea :)





	☘ If Skull was...Naruto Uzumaki

Skull likes to gamble.

   
He’s not sure if its a habit that’s been carried over from before his memory loss, but its definitely one he’s cultivated since being discharged from the hospital.  
  
I mean, what’s there to lose, when you have literally nothing of worth to your name?  
  
He leaves the hospital a John Doe.  
  
He leaves his first gambling den, high off the taste of victory with a pair of lucky skull die and a new name.

 

Fantastically, Skull is ridiculously lucky in gambling. He always wins, but that feels right and wrong at the same time. He turns the idea round and round in his head but gets no answers. He thinks privately, that gambling is for losers, that's how it's safe. The more you suck, the safer you are. Once you win...well. But apparently it doesn’t apply to him? Because Skull gambles and gambles, with his money, his freedom, his _life_ waiting for that curse to hit him. ~~It never does.~~ Gambling is booze and boobs and cash in each and every den, but his head hurts when he thinks on this and he knows he’s got the pieces, but he’s smushed the puzzle wrong.

 

Then come the ...ahem, whorehouses. Skull really wonders about his past self, he really does, because he isn’t all that old, and already, he’s _very_ familiar with several vices.

 

An Arcobaleno mission takes them through a whorehouse and Lal slaps him upside the head for staring at the bared flesh. But it isn't desire that makes his eyes linger. Women and nakedness makes him think of perverts but with an inexplicable feeling of fondness he's not sure he understands.

 

Then he discovers Japan.

 

Suddenly suffixes make themselves a permanent fixture in his speech. He learns of ancient structures and warring culture and-

 

\------

 

_“Skull, is that...is that ninja porn?”_

 

\----

 

Thing is, Skull’s erotica business is booming. It pretty much write itself honestly (like he's just repeating something he's already seen…but no one sues him for copyright and he finds nothing else like it so Skull thinks it's okay, even if it hurts.)

 

It's popular across the globe and hell, it’s popular throughout the Underworld, he’s seen more than a few copies of his works in several mafia homes and had even caught Mammon flipping through one, though he had been sworn to secrecy for that particular tidbit under pain of insanity.

 

The thing is, under the smut and over exaggerated _everything_ there is an underlying ruthlessness throughout each novel, when solving problems that appeals to them. Chiaki the hero may flirt outrageously and indulge himself in so much *** that he honestly should have died from dehydration by now, but the way he dispatches his assassinations, the pure ruthlessness involved in each mission,each kill, even offscreen so as to not disturb his readers too much, they are a thing of art. The pure mission driven mindset is astounding and something more than a few lesser Famiglia attempt to emulate and instill in their subordinates. … Minus the main characters...ahem, inclinations.

 

Skull gets rich, richer than rich, and it is barely a though, practically instinct in fact, for him to begin to set up boltholes, safehouses, trapping them to high heaven.

 

_Okay then. So he used to be a paranoid guy. No biggie??_

 

He ends up with nine of them.

 

One in the desert ( _Which was awful to set up honestly, he has no idea how he’s going to find it again once the dunes shift)_  
  
Two in the mountains _( One up high and somewhat ostentatious? It looks like a temple honestly, but its built into the mountain and camouflaged unless you look at it at the right angle so...okay. The other is at the foot of another mountain, near a roaring waterfall. He’s not sure if he can even sleep there considering the noise, but...well, at least he’s got a good view.)_  
  
Another on the edge of a lake. _(Okay, lakehouse. Relatively normal. Except its in the fuckhole of nowhere. ...Fine, he’ll take it)_  
  
One in a foggy area. _( Seriously, what is up with his instincts??? He’s glad he found the place to be honest, but its constantly foggy?? Which shouldn’t be possible??)_  
  
One more near the sea, where the underground vents cause bubbles to rise to the surface constantly. _( Okay nice, this place was hella cool and unlikely for anyone to find him at so 100 points for stealth. Its also fucking hot, but hey, that’s what fans and the airconditioner were for.)_

 

A huge one in the jungle. The amazon to be exact. _( When was he going to use this place??? There are bugs everywhere?!)_  
  
And the last, in a crater. _( He had to buy the whole land, which was freaking expensive, and considering it was a crash site, its use as a hidey hole was exactly 0% so boo. But...he’d felt such a profound sadness there. An attachment he couldn’t...let go of. So he bought it. Ah well. He had cash to burn anyway.)_  
  
Settling his homes made something restless within him relax.

More pieces he thinks. More bits of his past. And suddenly, all the little annoyances mean so little in the face of that.

 

But it turns out to be his last epiphany for a long while.

 

Ten years later, as Byakuran pierces the cowardly Cloud’s chest, waiting to see that flare of desperate fear as he struggled for his life…

**_Red, slited eyes stared back._ **

 

**Author's Note:**

> ☘ Hisana_Reborn | Naruto
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